Grace Zhao Week 4: This Is Getting Embarrassingly Sincere
I used to think “I miss you” was one of those things people said even when they didn’t really mean it.
You haven’t seen someone in a while, so you say you miss them; someone moves away, so you say you miss them. It never seemed like a particularly meaningful sentence. I mean, everyone said it and it was just three words, pretty straightforward.
Then I met someone who made it worth saying.
There’s a strange routine that comes with being close to someone who isn’t always close by. You can still talk throughout the day. You can still text throughout the day. You can know what they’re doing, what they ate, what happened at school, even what they’re watching. Sometimes you’re talking so much that the distance barely seems relevant.
But then, there are moments when it does.
What makes it different now is that I know exactly what I’m referring to. I’m not just missing someone in the general sense, but the little things that have become familiar without me realizing it. And I’ve noticed that the way I communicate has changed because of that. I’ve never been the most articulate person when it comes to saying what I’m feeling directly. I’m much more likely to send a random picture, bring something up from earlier, or find some excuse to keep a conversation going. Those things probably communicate more than I realize.
We all have our own habits when it comes to talking to people. Some people say exactly what they mean, some people joke, some people send paragraphs, and some people send a single “lmao” and somehow expect you to understand everything behind it. I’m somewhere in the middle, apparently. I’ve realized that I use a lot of words to avoid saying the one that would be the simplest.
“I miss you.”
Photo Credit: This a screenshot from my Life360 Circle with my sister, the day after she left for college. She is someone who makes "I miss you" feel sincere to me.
I think that's so sweet! You must have a really strong bond with your sister for her to turn a phrase that was almost basic to you into something meaningful. The little familiar things that you listed really encapsulate how impactful your sister was, and I can relate to them. Once a week, my little sister leaves for a couple of hours to attend a class. It’s almost as if the house is…empty. I notice the silence, the infrequency of shouts coming from other rooms. One time, it got to the point where I started wondering when they would come back. Of course, it’s only for a couple of hours, unlike how your sister is probably away for weeks or months at a time. But I can’t imagine how it would be if my sister was away even for a single week. It’s amazing how your realization impacted how you communicate, and I think it’s perfectly fine to express yourself without stating exactly what you’re thinking.
ReplyDeleteI think I will (soon) relate to your feelings of loneliness towards your sister, as I also have not one, but two siblings! They aren’t older than me, so I’ll be the ones leaving them when I go to college. Even though we don’t get along all the time (actually, most of the time), I can’t imagine how hollow the house would feel without their constant presence. The way you opened and closed with “I miss you” really shows your growth throughout the narration, providing closure to the topic. You found a way to turn such a phrase into something so deep worth exploring! On an unrelated note, it’s really interesting how your sister goes to college on the East Coast! I’ve always wanted to study there, but the only thing stopping me is probably the HUGE travel time from there to home (here). I really liked how you described the speaking habits as a spectrum, since there are many different ways people communicate with one another. I think that the way we speak is highly dependent on how the communication is occurring (text, FaceTime, talking, etc.), affecting our tone and expressivity.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being a part of my cohort this quarter Grace!
Grace, I’m constantly in awe whenever I read your blogs! I also wasn’t aware you had an older sister, and it seems you two are close, which is nice to see. As someone who has sisters that are rarely home, I can understand your sentiment. Their presence lingers, and you can’t help but wish they were there to relish in the present alongside you. Every moment becomes that much more precious, and it truly goes to show how true the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder” really is. Like for me, my sister Melody is in Korea right now. The timezone difference is jarring; when it’s morning for us, it’s midnight for her. She continues to send photos of things she finds amusement in, like that “one popcorn” meme, but it isn’t the same. I can text her back with thousands of silly stickers I made of her, but again, it isn’t the same. Even so, life continues onwards.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is a broad spectrum, and although you might not be the most overt, I’m sure that the people you care about can feel just how much you care. Actions speak louder than words, after all. I mean, I also struggle to find ways to express my care for someone in a way that comes across as genuine, but I found out over time that words came easier for the people I cared most about. Overall, I’m glad that you have opened up to the idea of using the phrase “I miss you.” Like you said, it can feel a bit perfunctory at times, but from the people you care deeply about, that “I miss you” can mean more than anything in the whole wide world.